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It's been such a long time since i've last blog..
And it's gonna be a really long post so warning first, you might fell sleep reading my old grandma story haha

Hmmm i would say alots of things had change...
No longer that small little girl anymore.. recently just hit the big number 2.
Yes 20 years old alr ._.

Well, did achieve something as well, (didnt waste my life away while i was missing)
Completed my NITEC last year, and now currently working full time in Metro HQ as merchandising asst.
Nightlife as well too.. Stop being a promoter and started working as DoorGirl for a few months alr.
In fact its more than half a year alr. Well i would say its better, at least i'll have stable income.

Recently too many things had happen thats why blogging came across my mind.
Still rmb how i always rant my feelings out in my blog when i was younger.

As we all grow up day by day, lots of things you'll have to worry about..
Everything is not as easy anymore. Well as for me problems after problems never change.
Still facing family issues.. Still having problems with my relationship life..
Thank god that career side is getting on track.

Family...we cant choose to born in which family we want to..
it's all fated, planned by god.. but why just why all the nonsense just wouldn't stop
they only see eveything from the surface..
yea, i know in their eyes im the useless one. cant get anything done properly.
But have they ever thought how hard ive tried? and no matter what achievement i get,
it's never enough for them and if not it's ok, simple task, everybody can get it too.
Mum left, leading a good life now... dad carry on with his life, always working.
So what about the children? When i break the newsof moving out then there they go
blaming me again. For being immature, unreasonable. Ya whatever i do im always in fault.
I get this into my fucking head alr. So i gave up.


Relationship..
Well this is a tough one...Always a tough one for me all along after darren.
Took about a year plus to move on from him and subsequently dated one guy but didnt work out
it's nice that we are still friends now.. and now im with another guy which wont be able to ork out no matter how much i want to, how much i wish to.
Everytime, every single time i'll ask myself, just what have i done wrong..
So isit true that one has to become a player in order to protect themselves?
Why? Why every single time, when i do so much, committed so much, love that person wholeheartedly,
honest and loyal to that someone, i always get hurts like nobody bussiness
Its like as if i got no feeings and its perfectly fine to hurt me as and when you want.
To the extend, i totally lose faith already.
Is there really true love? Is there really guys out there who will do anything for someone they love?
Is there really guy out there who wont cheat and just treat one girl right?
I dont know about that anymore.
All the things i used to believe in, slowly died off as i grow older.
Maybe i should just be a heartless bitch.
It's impossible for me to be a player...I really just wish...just wish that i have a heart made of stone.
So no matter how much people wanna hurt me, i won;t feel pain anymore..

i always have that little hope no matter how many times you destroy it with your own hand..
that one day you'll see my effort, one day you'll understand how much i actually love you
and how much i hope that things will work out bewteen us.
But all this...really die day by day from the words and actions you gave me...
Should i really leave this time...or should i be an idiot and believe again.. i really dont know anymore..
i've hurt and cried enough alr... can someone just give me a definite answer...can YOU just tell me what do you really want..?